I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
