smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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