he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
