you didnt know i had herpes?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize