Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
