I want to make a zoo with you.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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