the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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