you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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