when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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