For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
