Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
