3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
