i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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