Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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