NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
