He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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