Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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