you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
