There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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