quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
