zippers are such a cool invention
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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