Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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