Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
