At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
