Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize