Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
