Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
