So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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