I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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