Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
