your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
