For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
