Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
