just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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