i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
