Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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