I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think I sprained my soul last night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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