So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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