I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
