I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
