she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
