I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Alive.
So much puke
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
