he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
