i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
