We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
