I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
