I heard we made out
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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