Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
