make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize