Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
