She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
