alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
