I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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