So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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