Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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