I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
