So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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