It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
