dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
