dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
