Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
