My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
