I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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