Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize