He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I intend to get homeless drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
