I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Farmville is her only friend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
