awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I want her autograph on my taint
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
