New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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