I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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