Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
