I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
