Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
