Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
