I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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